Dear Friend, the following information is contained in a booklet that can be purchased to use for your own healing or to give to a friend, or to use as a resource when conducting a support group or Bible study. To find how you may obtain copies, click here.

Lie #PE 1 - I need to change the way I look to be happy, accepted and successful.

Why is it that a lot of great looking people have a real problem with their looks? For some reason they see themselves as not so good looking, when everybody else thinks they are extremely good looking. This is a very real problem for many young people, and even for many older people. The truth is these people are preoccupied with something that isn’t even important.

Here is proof. Have you ever noticed how a guy that isn’t so good looking manages to get a really great looking girlfriend? Or the not-so-good-looking girl is hand in hand with great looking guy? Was it the persons looks that got them the nice looking boy friend or girl friend? Probably not. And if not, why is everybody putting so much importance on good looks? Is good looks important? These are questions we hope to answer for you below.

Our looks should have no bearing on how we feel on the inside, because how we feel is based on what we believe to be true. If we change what we believe is true, we change how we feel on the inside.
 

The average person gets by quite well without undue attention placed on their looks. They live their life in 'automatic'. They groom themselves but they aren't thinking about it as they groom. Their thoughts are on other things. That's how you know it's not a preoccupation. Do you struggle with your looks? Do you believe that one day you could become free of self-absorbtion? You can. Read on.
 

Many people wish they never went through with the surgeries intended to enhance their looks. Whether it was the end result they were not happy with or the new problems that came about because of the surgery, many people regret having gone through with their attempts to change their physical appearance. The use of tanning salons is extremely harmful to your skin. It is a well documented fact that people who use tanning salons have up to an 800% greater chance of contacting skin cancer.
 

Truth #3 - The real you is a spirit, not a body.

You are a spirit, you own a mind, and you live in a body. Your body is just a shell. The real you, the important part of you, is your spirit. If anything is worth attention in your life it would be the spirit part of you. When you spend time nourishing your spirit, it spills over into your emotional realm making your personality and demeanor more attractive.

1 Thessalonians 5:23 says,
May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Here we see plainly that we are a 3 part being: spirit, soul and body. And we see that God is a God of peace, and that his desire is for you to be 'sanctified' (cleaned up of any improper ways of thinking and acting).

2 Peter 1:12,13 says,
So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in this body, because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me.
Here we see that Paul makes it very clear that his body is just a shell which he will one day put aside. He gives it very little importance.

2 Corinthians 5:1 says,
For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.
Here we see that our body is referred to as an ‘earthly tent’.

Ecclesiastes 12:7 says,
Then shall the dust [out of which God made man's body] return to the earth as it was, and the spirit shall return to God Who gave it. (Amplified Bible)
Here we see that it is God indeed who gives man a spirit.

Truth #4 - A persons looks is unimportant in them achieving success and happiness.

Many not-so-good looking people have achieved amazing success. Can you think of any body in the entertainment industry or any politicians or successful business people who might fall into this category?
 

Not everybody has Hollywood movie star looks, but everybody can be attractive in the way they interact with others. How a person naturally interacts with others is affected by how they feel about themselves. Most people can act kind and considerate for a while, but only those who are truly at peace with themselves and with their environment will naturally be kind and considerate. And that is the goal. You want to be at peace at all times so that it affects the rest of you in a positive way. Your mood will be elevated, your energy level will be increased, and your effect on others will be welcomed and appreciated. In a word - you will be attractive.

1 Peter 3:3-5 says,
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.
Here we see that the definition of beauty in Bible days was different than the definition of beauty that is promoted today. The definition of beauty promoted today leads to stress and heartache. The definition of beauty taught in the Bible leads to peace and happiness.

This is a fact. If you are having trouble living with your looks now, it won’t get any easier over time. It will become more difficult.

2 Corinthians 4:16 says,
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
Here we see that we are in a natural deteriorating mode. We can slow down the process of aging by eating healthy foods and doing physical exercise, but the underlying fact is we are slowly deteriorating. However, even though we are ‘wasting away’ physically, we can be ‘renewed day by day’ in our spirits. Taking care of our body is one thing, but obsessive thinking about your looks is counter-productive to your enjoyment of life. Along with a healthy lifestyle for your physical health, take time today to improve your spirit.

Exodus 20:3,4 says,
You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below.
Anyone who is constantly thinking that they need to look a certain way could be breaking one of the commandments of God by ‘making for yourself an idol’. Obsessing about your looks can be compared to worship, in that your attention is off of what is going on at the moment and is focused on the item you want, 'the look'.
 

Nobody lives only to themselves. We each affect others around us with our beliefs whether good or bad. Depending on the severity of your addiction to needing the right look, will determine how much you affect others with the same needless temptation of focusing on their looks.
 

Just like you can’t judge a book by its cover, you can’t judge a person by their looks. And you definitely should not judge yourself because it will sabotage your ability to move ahead in your life. You cannot live your life like everything is ok when deep down you are feeling inferior because you believe you have to have a certain look to be happy and esteemed. Looks is not important, but rather, what's in a persons heart. That is of greater importance. Here is a story that proves this.

1 Samuel 16:1-13 says,

Do not make the mistake that most people make. Do not judge people by what they look like. You will make a mistake and open yourself up to disappointment. Observe people to see if what they say and what they do is right, and if not, pray for them, but don’t judge them.
 

Isaiah 53:3 says,
He was despised and rejected - a man of sorrows, acquainted with bitterest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way when he went by. He was despised, and we did not care.
This prophecy about Jesus was written over 600 years before he lived. It describes what the average person did when they saw Jesus walking by while carrying his cross as he journeyed toward the hill Golgotha. He was horrible looking after a full day of torture before His crucifixion.

Looking at Jesus at this point in his life, you would never know that God was about to take this ugly situation and turn it into the most pivotal point in all of history. If you were to judge this situation by what it looked like, you would presume that this man was going to die an agonizing death and that would be the end of it. But never judge things by how they look! Jesus went from being a despised leader of a small religious group to the literal savior of all mankind, all in a space of 72 hours! God used everything Jesus went through to make him what he needed him to be. Now, you let God make that much difference in your life! Give him the broken image you have of yourself and let him show you what great things he can do with someone like you who may have ordinary looks or even poor looks. It doesn’t matter. God likes a challenge. Let him bless you and use you to make a statement to the world. You can have happiness and success no matter what you look like!
 

The best way to settle this issue of looks within yourself, is to once and for all decide that physical beauty is something you personally refuse to have a problem with. You don’t need it to get anything of real importance, and preoccupation with it will only hurt you and those around you.

At this stage we will be taking some time to find out how you came to believe that this lie was true. Some of the questions below may stir up some temporary discomfort, but it is important that you have a complete understanding of how and why you developed this hurtful mindset so you can confront it boldly and defeat it once and for all. It may be a good idea to do this with a trained counselor, minister or a mature, non-judgmental friend who can encourage you as you delve into every aspect of the times you will be relaying.

Not only will we be focusing on the earliest times this lie affected you, but we will also see how it affected your decisions as you grew older. All of this will require that you become very honest for your healing to be permanent. At each instance, as you delve into what or who got you into believing this lie, you will have a choice. You can either respond with anger to the person through whom this lie was communicated, or you can respond with love and forgiveness.

Jesus said, "For if you forgive people their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses." (The Amplified Version of the Bible translates ‘trespasses’ as "their reckless and willful sins", and it admonishes us to "give up resentment".)

How does a person do that when everything inside of them cries out for justice? With love and faith. You don’t have to feel love for a person to do something nice for them. You do it in faith knowing that it is what God wants you to do for them. You may not have control of your feelings but you do have control of your actions, and that is what God is watching for as He watches you every second of your day.

The choice of forgiving a person is up to you. It may be difficult at times, but if you are serious about getting well you will understand that everybody in a sense, deserves forgiveness no matter what they have done. For we all live in this mixed up world, all of us being simply products of our environment, until we make the decision that with God’s help we will change. Forgiveness is the answer to problems we have with others. It may sound too simple, but isn't that usually the best way? Forgiveness - in one second your problem is over! You are now free to move on with your life. Don't let the past stop you from enjoying the present. Preoccupying with the past will steal pleasure while living in the present, and it can even cause physical health problems. No matter what they did - just forgive. That doesn't mean they will go free. Because of the law of sowing and reaping, what goes around, comes around. Everybody reaps what the sow. If a person has hurt a lot of people, they will pay for it eventually. The best thing to do is forgive them and pray for them. Wouldn't that be what you would want them to do for you, if you were in their shoes? Yes, it is.

If you are ready to forgive then answer the following questions:

1. What do you do that the average person might consider as 'obsessing about their looks'?

2. When did you first get the idea that the lie that you had to look a certain way to be happy,
    accepted and successful?

a) How old were you?

b) Where were you when this lie first came in your mind?

c) Did it come to you through a family member?

d) How did it make you feel?

e) Will you forgive this person?
If yes, then forgive them and continue. (Often it is helpful to confess your forgiveness to the person who wronged you in person or by mail.
If they are no longer living, or it may hurt them to hear from you again, then speak with a counselor or a mature, non-judgmental friend
about the situation and voice your forgiveness to God in their presence instead.)

2. Name all of the subsequent times this lie was reinforced in your heart, in order from past to present.

3. What hurtful decisions have you made in your life because your judgment was impaired by believing this lie?

4. Do you believe that no matter what poor decisions were made as a result of believing this lie that God can take the situation and turn it into
something beneficial to Him, to you and to others?
If yes, then continue. (If not, then this is where faith comes in. Looking at situations
    through the eyes of faith can change any situation. If you are having trouble believing this, then
    go to our Christian Media Loan Library and order some teaching on faith.)

5. Did you hurt anybody as a result of believing this lie to be true?

a) Will you make amends to them?
(If you are unable to make amends to the person or to do so would upset them, then speak to a counselor or trusted friend about it and express your decision to apologize to them
   and to God at that time. If the person you harmed refuses to pardon you, or you have difficulty in
   forgiving yourself, you must realize that God has forgiven you, and He would want you to carry on
   with your life in confidence that He will do His best to help that hurt individual find it in their
   heart to forgive you your fault. Living in condemnation is not the answer. Living in complete trust
   and faith in God that He will work it out will move God’s hand to help that person. Living in sorrow
   and regret actually stops God from working. Living in faith and confidence in God's ability, is what empowers Him to work in your behalf.)

If you are caught up with this lie, you can do something to help yourself believe the truth.

Romans 12:2 says,
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

This verse tells us that we can be transformed. And how do we become transformed? By the renewing of our mind. We have to begin to saturate ourselves with the truth. The best way to use the truth is to speak it out loud. There is something about speaking the truth that 'cements' it in our hearts. Positive thinking is good, but it takes continued effort. What we want is ‘positive knowing’. Remember what the key verse of this program is, "And you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free." The key is knowing the truth. Once a truth is known in the heart, you are no longer in a fight to make yourself think something that should just be automatic as it is with most other people.
 

Here is what you can do to help yourself believe the truth.
Begin to say the following statements whenever you can until the hold that this lie has on you is completely gone. There are several ways you can say these. You can say them one at a time for 15 minutes each or longer. Also, you can say them putting the accent on each of the key words in the statement. You can also visualize yourself acting on what you are saying. Acting on truth is faith in action. What you are doing is stepping out onto something that seems foreign to you, but something that you believe will help you. It’s like this:

You can believe a chair will hold you, but it isn’t until you put your full weight on the chair that you are trusting in it.

Believing and trusting are two different things. You can believe these truths can help you, but it isn’t until you put your full, continued attention on them that they make a difference. As you focus on these truths they will lead you to other truths that will apply specifically to your own situation. That is when it gets exciting. You will find out that God actually has a deep personal interest in you and proves it by bringing to your attention truths that apply just for you! You will find out that he was there all along but because of your weak faith you couldn’t recognize His presence. Begin to build your faith now by applying these truths to your situation.

1) "Because I see how unimportant it is to look a certain way, I can be happy no matter what I look like."

2) "I don’t waste time trying to create the image of a perfect looking person. I work with what I have. I
    am grateful for the looks I do have. All I have is all I need." (Taken from Exodus 20:3,4)

3) "No matter what I look like I know I am beautiful in God’s eyes, and that makes me
    happy." (Taken from Psalm 139:1-18)

4) "I no longer judge people by how they look. That includes me!" (Taken from Judges 16:7)

5) "My success is not depended upon my looks, and I refuse to limit my definition of success for myself solely
    on what I can imagine with my own limited understanding at this time. I remain open to God’s leading knowing he will lead me to the
    success he has planned for me." (Taken from Ephesians 3:20)

6) "My beauty comes from a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth to God."
    (Taken from 1 Peter 3:3-5)

7) "I feed my spirit daily so that inwardly I am being renewed day by day."
   (Taken from 2 Corinthians 4:16)

If excessive body weight is an issue for you, you can repeat these confessions. Remember that a strong spirit is the key to self-discipline in every area of life, including your eating habits.

1) "I realize the importance of maintaining the proper body weight for a person of my build."

2) "As I strengthen my spirit, I am gaining control of what I do eat and what I will not eat."
   (1 Corinthians 9:27)

3) "I choose a healthy diet each day, everyday, all day!"

Applying Faith

Faith is useless unless it is proven by corresponding action (See James 2:14-26). So how do we apply faith to this situation?
Since God responds to faith, and not need, you can prove to God that you have faith by putting into practice the following mindsets:

1) "I believe I will obtain employment without excessive attention paid toward my looks."

2) "I believe I can attract a boyfriend or girlfriend without excessive attention paid toward my looks."

3) "I believe I can keep my boyfriend or girlfriend without excessive attention paid toward my looks."

4) "I believe I can go to a public place without excessive attention paid toward my looks."

5) "I believe I can enjoy my day even with a ‘bad hair' day."

6) "I believe I can look attractive even if I don’t have as many nice clothes as the next person."

7) "I believe it doesn’t matter if I am out somewhere and I happen to spill something on my clothes and I can’t get it as clean as I would like."

8) "I believe I can attract more people with kindness than with excessive attention paid toward my looks."

All of these statements are meant to take the anxiety out of everyday life when it comes to your appearance. Don’t let preoccupation with your looks steal another moment of enjoyment out of living. Life is meant to be experienced in complete freedom so you can take in everything it has to offer. Don’t sell yourself short. Life is a gift with each day giving you a new surprise. Open it with anticipation, knowing that nothing is too difficult for you, and that everything is subject to change. Allow your faith to make the difference in your life today and in the lives of those around you, and your life will never be the same. You can do it!

The prayer below is a kick-off prayer for a 28 day adventure with God as he shows you how you can be free from undue concern about your looks. You can repeat this prayer once or as often as you like. This prayer (written for a woman) is only an example. You can customize it to suit your particular struggles. If you are a guy, you can customize it to suit the issues that you struggle with. After you decide to take this 28 day journey, choose someone who you can be accountable to, someone who will encourage you, pray for you and inspire you along the way. Call them regularly and tell them what you are learning. In addition, take time each day to journal your thoughts. You will be surprised how you’ll have grown over the 28 days. Here is the prayer:

For some people this step of faith may not be easy. You must be determined to put the problems related to your looks ‘back on the shelf’ if you catch yourself obsessing about them . You must do what the famous mathematician John Nash did during his recovery from schizophrenia. He found out which voices in his mind were real and which were not, and then he deliberately paid no attention to the voices he knew were unreal, and so lived his life. His recovery was so remarkable that his story was chronicled in a movie ‘A Brilliant Mind’, as well as in a television documentary. John Nash conquered schizophrenia by focusing on what he knew was true, and so can you. You can conquer your obsession about your looks by focusing on what you know is true. Begin to use the truth today and watch it change your life. You can do it!