Steps To Healing

While there is no hard and fast, set of rules to emotional healing, the following steps can help you move ahead in your search for emotional well-being. And what is the desired goal? The goal is perfect peace. That is what God's will is for you, and you ought not settle for anything less. Perfect peace allows you to sail through anything life brings your way. And that is what you want. You want the inner confidence that you are well able to conquer your problems. A strong faith in God and in the promises He gives us through His Word, helps us to respond properly to life's challenges, for that is where the battle for peace and happiness is won or lost, in the way we respond to our problems. It is my prayer that you will find the direction you need on this website so that you can rebuild your life and see days of happiness and success, and that you will develop into the person God intended for you to become. Read and apply the steps below, and if you need personalized help, please email me or set up a coaching session.

Step #1 - 'Stop'

That's right, just stop. If you have been going in the wrong direction in your life, before you can go in the opposite direction you need to stop. What does 'stop' mean to you in your case? Perhaps it means put the gun down or put the pills back in the bottle. Maybe it means stop filing for the divorce or stop writing that letter of resignation for your job. Maybe it means post-pone the operation. Maybe it means just cut back on commitments or work less over-time, maybe even stop working all together for a little while. Whatever you do, you must stop and assess what is 'driving' you. Likely it is anxiety caused by one or more situations in your life that you are not responding well to. As stated on the Natural Reactions page, the tendency is to get busier when life is causing anxiety so we don't have to deal with the nagging thoughts, but that is not the answer. Burying your head in the sand won't make the problem go away. You are going to have to stop and confront the problem boldly, knowing that with God's help you can overcome it. 

Step #2 - Admit Defeat In This Particular Area of Your Life

If life has cornered you in any way so that you feel trapped, you must be willing to admit you've lost the battle. You haven't lost the war, just this current battle. In the 1970's slap-stick comedy show, 'Laugh-In', one of the participants was a little African-American fellow named Flip Wilson. He would always get caught doing stuff, and he always used this one line, "The devil made me do it!" And, you know, he had it about right. In a sense, the devil does make us do things. You see, he knows what our 'buttons' are, and if we let him, he'll use our own inbred weaknesses to con us into doing things that will eventually hurt us, with his ultimate goal of bringing us to a place of despair so that we'll take our own lives. So, we need to admit that the devil beat us, that he's smarter than we are. But is losing a battle in our emotions a life sentence of unhappiness? Not at all. For just as it is when someone breaks a leg, the doctor will tell them not to put any weight on their leg for the next little while, similarly when you experience an 'emotional break', don't put any weight on your emotional system for the next few weeks. For now, try and get away with being more of an observer of life, rather than a participator so you can devote yourself to the healing of your emotions. The good news about a broken limb the doctors tell us, is that the limb will never break again in the same place. Somehow when it heals it becomes stronger than it was before it was broken. The same is true about emotional healings. Once you take the time to dissect your harmful beliefs and correct them, you become a person far stronger than you were before the problems began. Not only that, you become someone knowledgeable and ready to help others with their problems.

Step #3 - Take Ownership of Your Problem

Step #4 - Ask God For Help

Although peace of mind does not require a person to have a relationship with God, a good relationship with God can greatly assist you in finding peace. Many people from all religious backgrounds seem to have peace, so it appears that it does not matter what religion you choose in order to have peace in your life. But I am a Christian and my faith has definitely brought me peace of mind. Thus, this program is based solely on the Christian principles of the Bible. And because it has its roots in the Holy Scriptures, we suggest you reach a point in your own personal journey toward peace where you formally ask God (the God of the Bible) for His help. Are you willing to ask God for help? If yes, then these are the biblical steps to receiving God's intervention in your life. These steps were taken from the Billy Graham website and can be accessed by going to the following link: http://www.billygraham.org/SH_StepsToPeace.asp

God created us in His own image to have an abundant life. He did not make us as robots to automatically love and obey Him. God gave us a will and a freedom of choice.
We chose to disobey God and go our own willful way. We still make this choice today. This results in separation from God

The Bible says ...

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." —Romans 3:23 (NIV)

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." —Romans 6:23 (NIV)

Our Attempts to Reach God

People have tried in many ways to bridge this gap between themselves and God ...

The Bible says ...

"There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death." —Proverbs 14:12 (NIV)

"But your iniquities have separated you from your God; your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear." —Isaiah 59:2 (NIV)

No bridge reaches God ... except one.

Step #5 - Choose a Mentor

Similar to someone who is out of shape physically, who hires a trainer to coach them back to physical fitness, you must find someone who is well emotionally and has some background in emotional recovery to assist you in your journey to wellness. If you try and get well on your own, the journey may prove to be too difficult and too long. Choosing a mentor will give you somebody to whom you must remain accountable to each day and thereby will keep you on the path you want to be on until your recovery is complete. Pride and embarrassment may try to stop you from asking someone to help you, but it is in your best interest to find someone to assist you in this journey.

Step #6 - Establish a Routine In Your Life

Nothing is better than a solid routine in your life where you purpose to include a set time each day for the nurturing of your spirit. Reading books, listen to tapes, watch video tapes all on the topic of faith will speed you along on your recovery, and often can be done while you carry out other tasks in your life. Also, a routine in your work area of life will result in maximum productivity for the least amount of thought. And that is what you want. You want to be able to reduce the amount of thinking you are doing throughout your day, and routine is how to do that. You want life to become intuitive, something that comes naturally and easily. So, establish a routine and then 'guard' it.

Step #7 - Eliminate The Shame

Since it is God's will that we enjoy perfect peace at all times, it should be possible to have peace while in transition from sorrow to happiness. A common enemy to enjoying peace in the transition is the shame we feel. Although it is less stigmatized now, mental illness still has somewhat of a stigma attached to it and it tempts us into believing that we are weak or inferior for having difficulties in this area of our lives. What we fail to realize is that many famous people had to go through difficult times before reaching their full potential. For instance, both Abraham Lincoln and Walt Disney had two nervous breakdowns before becoming the successful people they are known for today.
At this time I would suggest you apply some of the Power Lines to your situation. Here are some appropriate Power Lines you may want to use:

3. "It doesn't matter."
It doesn't matter that you have emotional problems. Once you recover you will become stronger, emotionally, than 90% of the people around you.

4. "I can start again."
Your character and personality began developing in the early years of your life. This emotional breakdown does not signify the end of your life, you are simply shifting gears. Once you change gears from being a victim to a conqueror, you can once again throttle up to full speed. Don't think of this time in your life as a road block, think of it more like a 'speed bump'.

5. "Slow and steady wins the race."
Anxiety tries to get you to live life too quickly and unbalanced. Learn that it's 'working smarter' that helps you advance in life, not 'working harder'.

6. "I keep my eye on my goal."
Keep your eye on the goal of perfect peace, and good self-confidence. Don't settle for less!

9. "I don't care, because God cares for me."
Continually affirm to yourself that you don't care that you are in this time of transition. With God's help you are coming out of this as a winner!

10. "This is how I am right now, I won't be like this forever, and I make no apologies for it."
During recovery it can sometimes be difficult to face other people. This line takes the onus off of us and puts it on the other person. If they don't like you the way you are right now, it's their problem, not yours.

11. "I see myself capitalizing on my failures."
Know that once you recover, you can take your past experiences and use them to help others who find themselves in a similar situation.

14. "I see myself as highly esteemed by others before I see them esteeming me."
You must see yourself as the person you want to become, before the changes take place. Your sub-conscious will work at causing you to become the person you want to be according to the picture of yourself you hold in your mind. So take some time each day and visualize yourself as a person who has perfect peace and is highly esteemed by others.

Step #8 - Separate The Pain From 'You'

Under construction

If you find yourself on a continual roller coaster of emotions, it is easy to believe there is no hope. But what you must do is realize that the emotional part of you is only just that - a part of you. In actuality, the real you is a spirit. You live in a body, and you operate a mind. Let me repeat that - the real you is a spirit, you live in a body and you operate a mind. The real you is a spirit, and it is your spirit that is to be in control of your thoughts and your beliefs and your actions. When your spirit is in control of your thoughts and beliefs, your feelings will be at rest, or at peace. But when you allow the problems of life to affect your beliefs, thoughts and actions, then you forfeit control of your feelings to un-rest, or depression and anxiety. In a nutshell that is what happens when emotions flare up from time to time. But the point of this step is to alert you that So don't be phased by the flood of emotions you experience from time to time. When those times come, just 'put them on the shelf' in your mind and know that as time passes you will gain more insight, and you will be able to conquer this illness. As a famous Bible verse says, "And it came to pass.", this too shall pass!

Step #9 - Choose Your Names Correctly

When in recovery it is easy to accept a 'label' of your condition to be who you are. That is a dangerous trap to fall into because your subconscious will seek to manifest in your life what you believe to be true in your heart. So you are not an 'alcoholic', or a 'Phobic'. No, the truth is you are a person who is recovering from alcohol abuse, you are a person who is recovering from anxiety, or you are a person who is recovering from manic depression or schizophrenia. The Bible calls us victors! And it says that we are more than conquerors in Christ. That is the healthy way to think and look at yourself when in recovery.

Step #10 - Assume the Best

When we become depressed or anxious, we usually begin assuming the worst in our lives. And these negative mindsets become self-fulfilling, in that the more we assume the worst, the more negative things seem to happen in our lives. From here on, you should make a list of all your fears and then use God's Word to turn them around so that you begin assuming the best instead of the worst. Here is a good verse to use for this purpose. Instead of assuming that you are a terrible person and that God must hate you, use the verse below and assume that God does indeed love you and is waiting to help you.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Step #11 - Brace Yourself

Since becoming well emotionally requires work, in that you will need to develop new mindsets, you will be running into opposition. It can take many forms, so don't be surprised if circumstances get worse before they get better. Depression and anxiety often will not relent without some form of resistance. Simply be committed to your recovery for the long haul, and your determination will be an act of faith in God's eyes and will cause Him to work in your behalf.

Step #12 - Cleanse Your Heart

Note: This can be a difficult step to do, so it is a good idea to have a support structure in place so you have some place to go for words of encouragement when needed.

Also, a good way to preoccupy your mind when in the process of cleansing your heart of old undealt-with memories is by meditating on God's Word. We offer four downloadable pages of verses that can be printed on 2 sheets of card stock, giving you five 3"x5" cards that you can carry with you wherever you go and learn throughout your day. To view memory verses, click here.

Before we can experience the full benefits of strong faith and peace, a person must 'come clean'. We must ask God to help us rid our heart of all resentment, self-pity and guilt. It is a natural reaction to respond in bitterness and self-pity when somebody hurts us or when situations go awry. And if they go wrong because of mistakes that we have made, then guilt is a factor and must be dealt with before any actions of self-improvement will help in our life. And finally, it is good to make amends for all the hurtful things you have done to other people.

To make this step completely effective, it can be helpful to make a list of all people, institutions and occurrences in your life to which you hold bitterness, resentment, self-pity, jealousy, guilt and fear.

Bitterness and Resentment
Bitterness and resentment can be dealt with effectively by writing out a 'letter or release', in which you tell the person or institution that you no longer hold them accountable for the hurt they caused you, and that you unreservedly forgive them. You don't have to mail it, you just have to acknowledge that the hurt is there, and then make a quality decision to now respond to it properly, with forgiveness. Is forgiveness easy? Not always. But you do it anyway, because you are doing it for you, and not so much for the other person. Remember, don't fall into the trap by thinking that what the other person did is overly important. Sometimes it is, but most times it is not. By elevating the importance of a negative action too highly, you are telling God, in effect, "The results of what this person did to me is too hard for you to fix, and bring good out of." That is the equivalent of saying, "God, you don't exist." You won't get very far with God with an attitude like that. Also remember that we can not expect God to forgive us of our sins, if we are unwilling to forgive those who have hurt us by their actions.

Self-pity
Self-pity can also be dealt with by writing a letter, a 'letter of repentance'. For sure you will need to address one to God, because by harboring a spirit of self-pity, you are telling God that His power in you is not good enough to help you overcome your obstacles. Again, you won't get far with that kind of attitude, in fact it works against you. Whatever favor you had with God prior to the incident that caused the self-pity is now gone, and you leave yourself open to negative spiritual forces to come in and take root in your emotions.

Not only will you want to write a letter of repentance to God for all of the things you bind yourself with through self-pity, but you perhaps will want to write one to friends whom you have weighed down with your sour attitude of yourself.

Guilt
Guilt comes into play when we do something wrong, either to ourselves or to another person or institution. It can also come into play when we fail to do something we should have done. After you make your list, write out the wording you intend to use when making the amend. After your letters are all done, decide who you would like to make amends with first. Be careful to consider, first, if making the amends will do more damage than good in that persons life. For instance, if you caused harm to an ex-lover 20 years ago, and haven't seen them since, you may be bringing to light something that could stir up unwanted emotions in that person, and indeed negatively impact that persons present relationship. Do use discretion. If you are unsure what to do, then consult a friend for their opinion.

Once you have the green light to move ahead and make the amend, choose an appropriate time. When you meet the person, say what you intended to say, and then excuse yourself. Nothing more is needed. If it starts up a conversation, then so be it. And if it causes the person to react negatively, so be it. You aren't responsible for their reaction, you're only responsible for your own actions. You don't need their acceptance to be happy, it is something that they will have to deal with.

Often, the person we have the most trouble with, as far as obtaining forgiveness, is ourselves. That would fall under the category of 'self-pity'. Here is where strong faith can immediately set you free. By faith in God, you believe that He is big enough to take your mistake and make something good come from it, whether you deserve it or not (nobody ever really deserves anything from God). If you find yourself stewing in regret and self-pity, you know your level of faith is low and needs to be strengthened for you to be able to carry on in confidence and happiness. (We can help you in that area with teaching material rentals.)

It goes without saying that, God should be the first person we approach for forgiveness. To learn more about His plan of forgiveness, click here.

Fear
Fear often plays a larger role in our decisions and reactions to life than we think. It would be a good idea to sit down and think about every major decision you ever made in your life and see if fear played a role in how that decision was made. This can be a humiliating exercise, but don't be alarmed. God is well able to rectify situations that have been instigated by fear and help you triumph in spite of the circumstances you now face as a result of phobias you acted upon. When your list is completed, write a short prayer of repentance to God, yourself and to others where you allowed fear to result in creating adverse affects to the lives implicated by your negative decisions.

Step #13 - Choose Your Beliefs

(To read some Bible stories on how a strong devotion to the truth helped bring people success, go to Daniel 1:1-21, Daniel 3:1-30, Daniel 6:1-28, Esther Chapters 1-10, Genesis Chapters 37-50, Acts 16:16-40.)

Step #14 - Assess the Anxieties In Your Life

Now that you know it is God's will for you to experience perfect peace at all times, take time to go over your life and see if there are any circumstances in your day to day life that cause you to think too much or become anxious. Also, what do you do that is anxiety-driven. When you respond to life's problems, are these responses rooted in fear? If they are, write them down.

Step #15 - Determine What Lies Are Causing You To Feel Anxious

More often than not, it is specific lies that cause us to feel anxious. Go over your list of areas of anxiety, and identify what the lies are that is stopping you from enjoying peace. To view a partial list of common lies that people fall prey to, go to the bottom of the "Why Do I Feel So Bad" page.

Step #16 - Begin To Replace The Lies With Truth

Once you realize what lies are causing you to feel negatively, begin to apply truth to those areas of difficulty until the truth becomes more real to you than the lies.

Step #17 - Optional Habits For Optimal Living

Begin to do things for yourself that are completely positive. Get regular exercise and change your diet so as to get your body to an acceptable weight and fitness level. Quit settling for second best. Become a person of high standards. Begin reading literature that is positive and motivating. Determine to be an excellent worker no matter where you find yourself presently employed. Become more genuinely interested in others, and seek their good, perhaps, before your own. Become more of a listener than a talker. Become a connoisseur of people's lives. Observe people, watch how they react, read biographies of famous people to see what their secrets were. Begin to challenge yourself to be everything you can be and more. Become a leader in life so others can have a role model to follow. Believe in yourself before you see your desired goals attained. Know that with God's help, your imagination, and time, you can do anything your heart desires. So got for it!

Questions or Comments

Back to Main Page